Thursday, September 26, 2002

 

Well, had some outpatient surgery done on Monday to my scalp. I had some cysts removed. During the actual procedure, everything went pretty well. It only took about an hour to do it all. But then on the subway ride home, the novacaine wore off, and my head was suddenly very, very sore.


So now I have stitches all over my head and look similar to Frankenstein's monster. The stitches come out in 10 days, though. In the meantime, I might try to hitch a ride with a traveling freak show if it passes through town....


On a more upbeat note, I got the boxed set of THE YOUNG ONES: Every Stoopid Episode this weekend. I don't know how many people saw this show when it was on MTV (it had to be over 10 years ago), but it's this insane show about four college roomates living in a worn down house in London. There's Neil the Hippie, Vyvyan the Punk, smartass Marxist Rik (who dubs himself "the People's Poet") and gangster wannabe Mike. This show was total anarchy. There's tons of sight gags, surreal moments, regular appearances by their annoying landlord and his various relatives (all played by Alexei Sayle), and in every episode a band appears out of nowhere and plays a song (it ranges from obscure British bands you never heard of, to groups like Madness, The Damned, and even Motorhead!). The best part, though, is when Vyv beats up on the ever-annoying Rik.


The boxed set is pretty cool, because it's 3 DVD's that include every episode (twelve half hours), totally uncut (I guess MTV deleted various "offensive bits") as well as some short documentary stuff and some other episodes of shows the same cast appeared in after The Young Ones. All in all, a pretty good collection. If you saw this show back in the day, you probably laughed your ass off too. It was cool to see it on DVD finally.


That's all for now. I think I hear Dr. Frankenstein calling me.....


Wednesday, September 18, 2002

 

Saw some interesting movies this past weekend.


I saw a preview screening of the new Paul Schrader movie, AUTO FOCUS. It's about the life of Bob Crane (Col. Hogan in Hogan's Heroes). It turns out that, in his private life, Crane had one of the first video cameras and was an amateur pornographer. Him and this weird buddy of his used to film themselves having sex with countless women. It's a true story and the most bizarre thing about it is the juxtaposition between Crane's squeaky clean image onscreen and his wild lifestyle offscreen. Greg Kinnear plays Crane and he's spot on as this vapid guy who doesn't have a clue. And Willem DaFoe is terrific as always as his weird sidekick. Worth checking out when it goes into regular release.


Also saw the remake of THE LATHE OF HEAVEN on the A&E Channel. I really liked the original PBS movie starring Bruce Davison (who was also amazing in WILLARD). The remake was pretty good, though. This time Lukas Haas played the Davison role, as a guy whose dreams happen for real, and James Caan played the psychiatrist who exploits him.


The big revelation of LATHE this time, though, was Lisa Bonet as the love interest. Where the hell has she been lately? The last I saw of her was way back in ANGEL HEART. The one thing that took me by surprise in LATHE was how hot Bonet still is. The voice, the look. Why isn't she in more movies??


LATHE is still a great story. I think I preferred the original overall. But the remake wasn't half bad. Some major differences in the script, though. Oh yeah, and I should mention, for those who don’t know, that LATHE was based on the novel by the great sf writer Ursula K. LeGuinn.


Also saw the season premiere of THE SOPRANOS on Sunday. This show really kicks ass. You keep thinking that no show can live up to the hype this one’s getting, and yet THE SOPRANOS never ceases to amaze me. The first episode of a new season traditionally recaps where the storylines left off last season and sets things up for the new season. That means that things don’t really heat up until the next episode. But it was great to see all the characters again. They’re like old friends at this point.


This show has got it all: great writing, great acting, even great use of music.


 

In some not-so-happy news, DELIRIUM BOOKS has had a bit of bad luck. Recently, their offices were the victim of a flood, which destroyed a big chunk of their stock, and they need your support. If you've got a hankering for some good horror, check them out. Here's the link: Delirium Books Of particular interest are books by friends of this site like Kurt Newton, Tom Piccirilli, and don't forget 4X4 featuring Keene, Oliveri, Cooper & Huyck.


Wednesday, September 11, 2002

 

Well, it's September 11, 2002. Thankfully, everything seems quiet. But there was a definite tension in the air.


Yesterday, September 10th, my wife Laura and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. We've been together a long time. It seemed kind of weird this year to think that, on our last anniversary, the events of 9-11 hadn't happened yet, and, in a way, it was a different world.



Wednesday, September 04, 2002

 

TEN REASONS WHY THE PLANET OF THE APES REMAKE SUCKED


1) The biggest problem is in comparing it to the 1969 original. The original movie was a classic and had a great story. Scenes like the discovery of the Statue of Liberty deliver big shocks, and the new version just doesn't have anything that monumental. I guess the main reason for this is that one of the writers of the original movie's script was Rod Serling, who was always a great storyteller. I see that the new version took three people to write it, and it's still horrible. (Director Tim Burton didn't even help write the screenplay - a bad move, since his input could possibly have improved on it a bit). Did they really think they could make a remake that surpassed the original?


2) In the original movie, the humans on the ape world cannot talk. In the new version they speak perfect English. This robs the movie of a lot of drama. In the original, it is a big deal when one of Charlton Heston's fellow astronauts is given a lobotomy and can no longer speak - it's a powerful scene. Also, in the original movie Heston finds a doll which talks - proof to the apes that humans could talk at one time. This scene is also jettisoned in the new version, since it would make no sense. And, most importantly, the fact that Heston could speak and all the other humans couldn't in the original made him much more important and unusual, it set him apart from the rest. It also made him a threat to the apes’ assertion that man is inferior to ape.


3) In the original version, Heston comes to earth with other astronauts. One is killed and then another is lobotomized in the course of the movie. In the new version, Walhberg is the only one who comes down to the planet. This cuts down on drama too.


4) The beginning of the original seems much more satisfying when Heston wakes from cryogenic sleep and decides to explore the planet below to find out where the hell he is. In the new version, it seems kind of trivial that Walhberg ends up on the apes planet when he follows a monkey down there. Also the crashed ship doesn't make sense. If the mother ship lost two pods (the monkey and Walhberg), would they really endanger more lives to go after Walhberg? It is obviously a lost cause and Wahlberg directly disobeyed orders by going after Pericles (the monkey). Any commander who took a ship after them would have to be an idiot, since is it just about guaranteed they'd never come back.


5) The new version got better when the apes' society was shown, but not enough to save the film. Tim Roth was great as General Thade (he moves just like an animal and is uncanny in the role) and Helena Bonham Carter's character is the only sympathetic one in the film. The human characters are totally forgettable - the woman who plays Nova - at least that was the woman's name in the original - has the acting ability of a mannequin and was obviously hired for her looks alone.


6) Mark Walhberg does not have enough screen presence to be a leading man. Well, not at this point in his career, anyway. He was good in an ensemble film like Boogie Nights, but he's very miscast here. Someone like George Clooney could have pulled it off. Charlton Heston pulled it off easily (the guy was great in over-the-top leading man roles - we're talking about Moses after all).


7) Walhberg’s character comes off as a eunuch for the most part. He had no chemistry at all with the human woman. The only chemistry he has is with the ape woman, which actually could have been explored more (supposedly Burton wanted to develop a romance between them, but the studio nixed it), but this goes nowhere. Just one more reason why his character seems one-dimensional and uncharismatic.


8) Once they find the crashed mother ship and explore it (in the new version) the movie comes to a grinding halt, as they just stand around waiting for the apes to show up. This is a long stretch that is just boring. In an action movie, there is no excuse for this. There was no such boring stretch in the original version.


9) The ending makes no logical sense. Even if Walhberg went through a time warp and went to a future earth (which isn't the case because they show his computer screen and it goes back to his time), there is no logical reason how Thade got to earth and changed history. I read a review where someone said Thade could have figured out earth technology and figured out how to fly a ship to earth, and that he entered a time warp and changed earth - but as you can see this is a very convoluted answer that makes no sense and there IS NO EVIDENCE OF THIS AT ALL IN THE MOVIE. There is no way Thade could have gotten to earth and changed it to such a radical degree. Especially since on earth, the apes are not evolved and cannot speak or think. Thade would have been the only evolved ape.


The ending seemed tacked on and was only there for shock value - but it wasn't even a logical shock like in the original. It was just stupid. And why would an ape memorial look exactly like the Lincoln Memorial - wouldn't they have their own design?


10) In the original, it is implied that the apes evolved into an intelligent species, after the humans are killed off and/or altered after a nuclear war. In the new and unimproved version, there is no logical explanation of the apes evolution (on their own world or on earth).



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